Posts

Finding the Source - Eros United

Things have shifted since I have last written. I have three separate paramours, each knowing about the others.  One has shifted into a full-fledged boyfriend.  One is long-distance but this past weekend drove eight hours to be with me.  The third is the newest, and we are still getting to know each other.
What compounds this type of polyamory is that we are open. I have never been in an open relationship before, much less a poly open one. On one hand I love it.  Sometimes sex with a person who is not your spouse can be wonderful and exciting.  However there have been a couple of times when jealousy has arisen in me or one of my partners.
In exploring my own feelings of jealousy I ask myself a series of questions such as

Am I feeling inadequate?What am I afraid of?What was I feeling before the jealousy arose?   When my long distance partner left to return to his home state, one of my other partners went out of state to help his best friend move.  Initially I spent more time with the thi…

Light on Shame -Eros United

There is something broken in so many gay men that I believe this path can heal. The path I follow guides one to love his body, to honor sex in its varied forms, and to find the resolve in oneself to let go of what others think and love yourself. To see oneself as part of Nature and celebrate that. To let go of shame for being gay, for being male, for enjoying sex. To see a divine spark in others and to celebrate them as a unique and special part of the whole. It does not seek salvation nor the elusive enlightenment but finds liberation in digging ones toes in the fresh green grass and in the rain falling on your face.

A Second Coming Out - Eros United

I have a boyfriend.  I am also dating another man.   Both know of each other and get along, but are not dating each other.  I am a polyamorous man, but I have not always been so.  For sixteen years I was in a monogamous relationship.  Eight of those years we did not engage in relations.  I was working as a massage therapist, and I developed a friendship with one of my clients.  Over time, we became good friends and with it both of us became aware there were more feelings involved.  When he professed his love for me, I was shocked because I had come to love him too.  But I also loved the person I was with.  Because I believed the culture's teachings that one person for all your life will make you "happy ever after" I ended the friendship with this man, breaking his heart in the process.

 Fast forward to years later, after my partner had passed away.  I began dating a guy and his husband.  Honestly I entered it having feelings for one of the men...but over time the three o…

The Battle of the Beautiful: Eros United

Image
I killed myself once.  Well kind of.  I was in a relationship with a man for sixteen years.  Eight of which, we lived in separate bedrooms and did not engage in conjugal relations. While we lived together and deeply cared for each other, the romance, passion, and desire for one another had become a wisp of smoke from a freshly blown out candle. Having gone back into the closet for him so that he could attempt to gain custody of his daughter, I never emerged again until after his death.  Because of this I had very very few friends who knew me and fewer who knew how unhappy I was. My body ballooned up to nearly three hundred pounds. I seldom left the house except for work and became a bit of a hermit with severe social anxiety.

 Then he died. It was not sudden but the type of growth on his brain led to near a six month stay in the hospital before he left this life.  I had been with him for sixteen years of my life, and I was left to discover who I was without him. I had to redefine myse…

A Drop of Dew in the Piss Bucket: Eros United

It is funny thing about attraction.  When I was a twenty-something just coming out, I was attracted to bear types.  A bit of belly and hairy chest with a beard would make me swoon.  Over time I would find other types I was attracted to.  My friends laugh at times as they see me date or the lovers I enjoyed and would noticed I would crave different flavors of lovers for a time.  It is true, I find beauty in many different types, much broader than when I was younger.  And yet you know what I find sexy?  Confidence.  A healthy self-love.  It took me years to learn to embody these things regularly within myself.  And when I did...well it was the equivalent of having one's milkshakes bringing all the boys to the yard.   I found not only the one time lovers, but those who grew into lover/friendship combinations and those who wanted more.  
What shocks me though is that there are people have utterly breathtakingly gorgeous personalities who despise themselves.  They lack any confidence o…

The Lessons of Aphrodite- Sex and Relationships: Lesson 5

I recently began an open dating relationship with a man...and then the murders began...  I probably should start at the beginning.  I am no prude.  I have been in non-traditional relationships before.  I was part of a triad of three men, where all three of us were partners, living and loving together.  I loved it.  But one type of non-traditional relationships I swore I would NEVER try is an open relationship.  I should have known better.  The gods apparently took it as a challenge.  For the past month I have been dating a man.  He is gorgeous, sexual, talented, and utterly wonderful.  What makes this different than any other previous dating relationship I have experienced is that this dating relationship is open.  He is free to have sex with others as am I.  It scares the hell out of me.

I can understand being in a closed polyamorous  relationship.  While some jealousy may arise from time to time, it is more centered about wanting more time or affection.  Being in an open relationsh…

The Lessons of Aphrodite- Beautification: Lesson 4

Aphrodite is the personification of beauty.  Were I talented as a painter, I would love to paint her as represented by every culture and through the ages.  Our measures of beauty are different and change both as a society, a subculture, and within our own person.  I imagine her coming in ten thousand different guises of beauty.  She holds a mirror not only for her to appreciate her own beauty, but to turn it on us and challenge us to see our own.  No small task for most of us.

So it is with this lens, she challenges us to find the beauty around us.  If it cannot be found, guess what?  She places her succulent lips against your ear and whispers for you to create it.  Beautification takes many forms, which should come as no surprise since she herself has many forms.  Maybe it is picking up trash at a park near you, cleaning the house or mowing for those who may not be able to easily do it themselves, or contributing to a community garden.  These too are her domains.  As the luscious qu…