The Dark Gifts of Eros- Eros United

Lest anyone think I am polyanna-ish about matters of the heart, I assure you I am not.  Eros, with bow in hand, has arrows of love that turn toxic.  His arrows are like seeds.  Some grow for a short time, and then the roots hit rock and never go any deeper.  Others are choked out by weeds.  And a few grow deep and strong.  Sadly, too often, I have experienced the former.  Yet from every one of these failed dates and relationships there are opportunities for growth.

The last I had written, I was dating three men in my polyamorous experiment.  They all were aware of each other and all went well.  The long-distance one was the first to fall to dust in my hands.  After the initial meeting and lust sating itself, not much remained.  It ended.  The second was more baffling to me, but without exposing details, we mutually ended the relationship a few days after the first one ended.  We made great friends, have deep and thoughtful conversations, and fun sex - all of which could continue, but were not a great match as partners.  I did not shed tears over either of these.  In fact, I felt next to nothing.  I sat with this numbness throughout this week.  It was only today, choosing to make today a personal day to rest, recoup, and embrace a certain lonliness as my lover for the day, that I tapped into the gift Eros had given me.

I sat in meditation with my mantra being a quote from Rumi, "I love myself, I love you.  I love you, I love myself."  As I sat there, I began to see the images of these two men who I had welcomed into my life and had welcomed me into theirs.  I chanted this mantra to them, and began to forgive by loving.  Any type of relationship ending, no matter who ends it, is painful.  As I sat, beautiful tears filled my eyes, expressing my grief and release of that grief.  Love's gifts are varied, and loss and grief too are part of his gifts.

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