Showing posts from May, 2017

The Journey that Makes Us

My dead partner murdered me.  At least that is what it felt like when he died.  In a way, it is true.  In three days it will be four years when my partner of sixteen years left this physical life.  In reflecting on what I have done with my life since then, I realize that I am a different man.  I am not sure where the old me is.  Like a snake shedding its skin, I have died and birthed a new me.  His death killed the old me.

There are parts of me that I mourn losing.  I used to be a lot more innocent, yet like the myth of the couple being driven from the garden of innocence, I was forced out, and birthed into a knowledge of life rather than innocence from it.  I have experience love, heart-break and broken others hearts which I ought not to have done.  I have people who hate me now...some perhaps rightfully so.  I have been proud and been forced to be humbled.  My heart is harder now...I feel less compassion.  It seems impossible for me to let go and fall in love.  I am tired.

And it …

The Voice That Speaks

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. -Edgar Allan Poe

I consider myself a spiritual person.  This may come as a surprise to some who know me and as no surprise to others.  I believe the sacred is found in all of nature.  Not just the parts we deep beautiful, but even in the savagery of the lion capturing her prey.    I am an animist.  I have no problem offering love to animals, trees, and plants.  I imagine a consciousness in them that connects us and to a source greater than ourselves.  I also believe in a vast spiritual reality made up of many types of beings, some benevolent, other malevolent, and every other spectrum such as found in humanity as well.

What this means is that you may see me offer honey at the foot of the tree for the spirits of place where I am, or you may observe me offering candle and incense to my ancestors or even various gods/saints who are patrons of various t…

The Dark Gifts of Eros- Eros United

Lest anyone think I am polyanna-ish about matters of the heart, I assure you I am not.  Eros, with bow in hand, has arrows of love that turn toxic.  His arrows are like seeds.  Some grow for a short time, and then the roots hit rock and never go any deeper.  Others are choked out by weeds.  And a few grow deep and strong.  Sadly, too often, I have experienced the former.  Yet from every one of these failed dates and relationships there are opportunities for growth.

The last I had written, I was dating three men in my polyamorous experiment.  They all were aware of each other and all went well.  The long-distance one was the first to fall to dust in my hands.  After the initial meeting and lust sating itself, not much remained.  It ended.  The second was more baffling to me, but without exposing details, we mutually ended the relationship a few days after the first one ended.  We made great friends, have deep and thoughtful conversations, and fun sex - all of which could continue, but …