The Past

As I was singing Jai Gurudev, I became aware of things in my past that still have roots in my life today.  My Christian background bore a lot of fruit, both helpful and harmful.  It challenged me to love God.  It taught me to pray, sing, and love God and to love and serve my neighbor.  It also taught me to hate aspects of myself that are part of my person and unchangeable.  The exclusivity I learned caused me much confusion in the past.  I had made the journey through evangelical fundamentalism into Roman Catholicism and finally out from Christianity.  Yet as I pray and sing to God, as I read Rumi's poetry, I am aware of my appreciation of the Hebrew and Christian Scriptures.  I am aware of my love of Jesus.  And yet...

Yet, I am not a Christian.  Jesus, I see as a cross between a guru and avatar of God.  I see that of God in him.  Just as God, Guru and the Self are to does Jesus become the Guru into which I see God and my truest Self.  It is funny to honor where I come from.  I am not rejecting it out of hand.


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