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Showing posts from March, 2013

Drops Returning to the Ocean

Through this time in my life, I have been shoved into the fires that burn away karma and put one face to face with reality.  In running the risk of losing my loved one, I have been learning the lesson to live only in the moment and appreciate each moment and experience as a grace.  It is not easy.  At times every fiber of my being wants to rage against this.  And yet this revolt really does nothing.  I can only be here..now. 

Being a gay man at risk of losing his partner in death, I have also have had to face my issues with the church.  Do I stop holding his hand when folks come in because they might be offended?  Will the nurses treat him worse when they find out he is gay?  Will the doctors?  If he passes will we find a pastor/church to bury a gay man who is survived by his partner or will I be expected to hide during the funeral of my beloved of the past 16 years?

I have been thinking about civil rights and the experience of people of color in our not too distant history of slavery …

Dreaming Reality?

I had a dream last night.  The dream itself is not that important.  In the dream. I was restoring an old failing, falling apart restaurant.  People were redecorating it after I had let go of workers who were lazy or inept.  They were using designs from India to beautify it.  It was gorgeous.  Then I began to wake up.  In that half awake/half asleep point,  I am aware of a voice saying (or it could have been my own mind) saying :  all these people in the dream were you, playing many parts..but upon awakening they were dissolved into you, so too do we dissolve into God upon our death.

Wrapped in the Arms of the Mother

My beloved is in the hospital with a mass on the brain and barring some miracle, will never be the same again.  Several possibilities lie ahead almost none of them desirable.  As I sit with my beloved, I pray.  A few times over these weeks, I have felt Her Presence near.  Wrapping us in Her Mantle of love.  She grieves and weeps with me.  She is with me in my rage at this situation, and when I weep at entering an empty house.  She is the Queen of Life and Death and while ever loving and compassionate, she is not a deity that I can make demands of.  She is with us through this, but makes me no promises about outcomes.  Images of Mary wrapping me in her love transform into Sante Muerte and Kali...She is the Queen of Life and Death, and is present in my rage and solace.  Please continue to pray for my Beloved and for all of us here.