30 Days of Change

Well it has been a little over a month since my father passed.  In that time, he had come to me a couple of times in my dreams with little messages.  He even came to me in the day before he passed, just reminding me to look after my mom, and what my plan was to help take care of her in this time of grief.  Oddly enough our nurse too had a dream the day he passed, saying thank you for taking care of him during all of this.  The dreams since he passed have been a comfort and inspiration to me.  This past month I have really been reflecting on it all.  The Christians I met had their beliefs which were very comforting to my family during all this.  They still are helping care for my mother and sister who live many miles away from me.  I am so thankful for them.  They also challenged me.  I do not identify as a Christian in any orthodox form.  However I believe and love God but hold many different beliefs that put me outside the Christian fold.  The God I believe in, is often impersonal as well as personal, is male as well as female, is in every part of nature.  The God I know is love, peace, joy and would never ever condemn someone to an eternal hell, nor be appeased through human sacrifice.  The God I know is beyond any one religion.  I also believe in reincarnation, God in all, communion with nature, and the process of individual gnosis.  However, we also have many things in common.  We both believe in living justly, kindly, compassionately.  We believe in caring for the sick, the lonely, the downtrodden, the grieving, and a love of life which contains both beauty and sadness.

So how did they challenge me?  Well, one of my friends is an evangelical Christian and a minister at a church that really reached out and loved my family during this time.  He has a regular and dedicated spiritual practice that has challenged me and revealed my own sluggish rut I have gotten into in my spiritual life.

So I am setting some goals for this month for the next 30 days:

  • Meditation twice a day
  • Prayer daily
  • Exercise daily (Yoga, Tai Chi, Walking, Working Out for example)
  • Keeping my house clean.
  • Avoiding clutter.
  • Affirming the good things daily (Thankfulness)
  • Intentions for others daily.
  • Increase my water, herbal tea intake.  No sodas.
  • Laying aside religion for the next 30 days, and just focus on the practice (An experiment in being spiritual but not religious).
My mom came down for a week and we remodeled my bedroom which really needed it. (I am such a typical nerdy guy).  Part of this process was getting rid of books and releasing myself from a vow I made as a kid.  I told myself I would someday have my own private library.  Well I have done it, and was drowning in books.  So the first part of remodeling was simply getting rid of hundreds and hundreds of books.  Then to allow myself to get rid of things that I "might" need, or "should" keep due to expectations or perceived expectations from others.  We then made the room from an ugly light blue and white flowery wallpaper dating from the 60's into an earthy brown suede look on the walls.  It has immediately grounded me and inspired me to calm and remove the clutter.  So that the outer looks like the inner, while I am working on clearing the clutter in my inner life, I am also working on it in my own home and life.  

So here I go-for the next 30 days.  Wish me luck.  Anyone want to join me?


  1. I am sorry about your loss and wish you strength and peace.

  2. It sounds as though your father is taking care of everyone before he goes to his join the All. It happens frequently. I'm so glad that you're open to his visits; I know that they mean more than you can express. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    When my grandfather visited me only an hour or so after he died it was .... tearful. Then ecstatically happy. I missed him so much. I hadn't seen him in over fifteen years and got to tell him all the things I'd saved up during that time. I didn't know what was going on. I was asleep and when I woke up it was to the phone and my mother telling me what had happened. When I told her that her father was just here with me she was startled and choked up. This wasn't the first family member who has visited me that we've talked about but I think this family member just made her really lose it. I wonder if he ever did visit her or if she just doesn't remember it. I hope he did. She was a mess for the past year. She could use a little peace. I feel almost bad telling her that he came to me.

    I have found, though, that when we have these apres mort visits that we are able to move through the grief process so much faster and truly begin to feel secure in our loved one's peace. Those tears turn into smiles because they're telling us with certainty that we are loved and they are at peace so what's up with all the tears? They're not crying any longer.

    I will join you in your Thirty Days of Change, brother. I did already, actually, about a week ago. So imagine my surprise when I read your post, lol. Pleroma must be sprinkling Positive Energy Dust on us in our sleep. You're not the first of us to get this urge to change lately. I'm seeing more awakening going on all over. It is delightful to watch!!

    I went through the decluttering phase a while ago and yeah, it was riotous. Boxes of stuff- gone. Chucked into the dumpster. Don't miss it. Kept it originally only because I thought I shouldn't throw it out but had to acknowledge that it wasn't really doing me any good just sitting there. All my old pagan books went into it, too. Kept a few of the literalist books for comparison studies but the witchy stuff was not on my list of NEEDS any longer. The physical crutch of ceremony was useless once the connection with pleroma was made. It's like banging two rocks together to make fire and then suddenly learning that you have an internal flame thrower. And this baby doesn't run on fossil fuels!

    Some healthy foods for you to investigate: kefir(milk version) and quinoa(seed). Very yummy.

    YogaJournal.com is fantastic as an emotional pick-me-up about physical exercise and continuing to grow in spirituality. I used to get the actual magazine. Kept them all. Still have them. Am letting my twelve year old dig deep with them. It's led to some amazing conversations. Yoga is something everyone can do and everyone can benefit from. Confidence building, too.

    Timed meditation is stressful, agreed. I think you did the right thing in ditching it and going with what you think feels natural. Do you meditate sitting up or laying down? I've alternated from time to time and the results are ... weird.


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