It took me years to be okay with Jesus. I went through so many stages. Complete rejection, anger and revulsion at anything Christian. Then through the Gospel of Thomas and other Gnostic writings, coming to know another Jesus. And finally (or perhaps, lately)coming full circle. I am okay with Jesus. I can sing the old gospel hymns, but I see Jesus bigger than many of the churches have made him. He is a face of the Cosmic God. Not the only face. Not the only name I call this divine being by, but a name I am totally comfortable with and at ease with...culturally it is what I was raised with. I say that because Jesus prayed. Jesus was totally comfortable with God. There was a time when I felt in a totally loving relationship with God..and somewhere it has become a mental exercise or emptiness meditation. And yet something inside of me wants it. I want prayer to escape my lips before every action I do. I am a southerner...God is ingrained in our culture. God and Jesus play a big part with Gnosticism especially the Thomasine and Valentinian branches. I have found that God is alive. God is loving, loving, and loving some more..the way a lover woos her beloved. This is the heart of what Gnostic Christianity is to me. The union or better yet, reunion of lover and beloved.