A Loss of Faith?
For years I have compared my spiritual life to a spiral...a spiral staircase perhaps. I would work through some beliefs or issues and move on only to come back again, though this time I am changed. I am different. My time as a teenage and college age fundamentalist. My time as a missionary and later a monk. My time of questioning, doubt, and being kicked out of my church for questioning. My relationship with Christianity has been an odd one. Even now I wonder if I am still shedding some of the last vestiges, or staying on the sinking ship of my faith. I do not know if I could call myself a Christian. There are parts I enjoy. I enjoy the liturgy and the ritual. I like Jesus as a champion for the underdog. Perhaps I am still grieving s loss of faith. Whatever is happening, it is not easy. I miss the community. I miss a sense of a personal God. I miss certainty. I wonder how many turns around this spiral staircase I need to make before I can step off, and if I step off-where will I be.